Twelve Days of Vegan Christmas: as told by The Meaty Vegan

Feeling festive in the shower this morning (which often happens when I’m in the shower), I was singing  the “Twelve Days of Christmas” when it dawned on me just how un-vegan that song truly is … what with all the bird giving and maids a’milking and whatnot. So, I’ve taken the time to rewrite this timeless classic to be more a lot more bird-friendly and to have a lot less teat pulling.

Please feel free to print out and gather up vegan carolers and sing to all the omnivores in your neighborhood.

So … for your holiday enjoyment, I present to you …

The Twelve Days of Vegan Christmas

by the Meaty Vegan

On the first day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
A day at Farm Sanctuary

On the second day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
2 Gentle Hugs
and a day at Farm Sanctuary

On the third day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
3 French Fries (they are vegan, after all)
2 Gentle Hugs
and a day at Farm Sanctuary

On the fourth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
4 Almond Milks
3 French Fries
2 Gentle Hugs
and a day at Farm Sanctuary

On the fifth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
5 Cheesy Tings (from Pirate’s Booty … these snacks are dangerous!)
4 Almond milks
3 French Fries
2 Gentle Hugs
and a day at Farm Sanctuary

On the sixth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
6 Potlucks Buffeting
5 Cheesy Tings
4 Almond Milks
3 French Fries
2 Gentle Hugs
and a day at Farm Sanctuary

On the seventh day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
7 Pants Size Slimming
6 Potlucks Buffeting
5 Cheesy Tings
4 Almond Milks
3 French Fries
2 Gentle Hugs
and day at Farm Sanctuary

On the eighth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
8 Enough Protein
7 Pants Size Slimming
6 Potluck Buffeting
5 Cheesy Tings
4 Almond Milks
3 French Fries
2 Gentle Hugs
and a day at Farm Sanctuary

On the ninth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
9 Ladies Dancing (this one can stay)
8 Enough Protein
7 Pants Size Slimming
6 Potlucks Buffeting
5 Cheesy Tings
4 Almond Milks
3 French Fries
2 Gentle Hugs
and a day at Farm Sanctuary

On the tenth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
10 Cows a Leaping (you HAVE to see this video)
9 Ladies Dancing
8 Enough Protein
7 Pants Size Slimming
6 Potlucks Buffeting
5 Cheesy Tings
4 Almond Milks
3 French Fries
2 Gentle Hugs
and a day at Farm Sanctuary

On the eleventh day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
11 Omnis Griping
10 Cows a Leaping
9 Ladies Dancing
8  Enough Protein
7 Pants Size Slimming
6 Potlucks Buffeting
5 Cheesy Tings
4 Almond Milks
3 French Fries
2 Gentle Hugs
and a day at Farm Sanctuary

On the twelfth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
B-12 Supplements Coming
11 Omnis Griping
10 Cows a Leaping
9 Ladies Dancing
8 Enough Protein
7 Pants Size Slimming
6 Potlucks Buffeting
5 Cheesy Tings
4 Almond Milks
3 French Fries
2 Gentle Hugs
and a day at Farm Sanctuary!

Now … go make a kale wreath, milk some almonds, and …

Go Vegan!

Thanksliving is Coming by Guest Blogger Rae Sikora

Thanksgiving is fast approaching and many progressive and socially conscious types have already ordered their “organic,” “pasture raised” turkeys, allowing them to eat the traditional meal without the guilt of supporting factory farming and chemical laden agriculture. However, most good intentioned people won’t look any further to discover the truth behind their meal.

Organic standards do not include regulations about the treatment of the animals.

A friend and I visited a local, organic farm with a good reputation for environmental and humane standards. The farm’s reputation seemingly held true. Their 1,000 birds are raised in large outdoor hoop-houses with green pasture surrounding. Their feed is organically grown on the farm and hangs from feeders accessible to any of the birds who are able to walk to them. They even slaughter the birds right on the farm, avoiding transport to a large slaughterhouse facility.

Yet even under “better than average” conditions, the turkeys suffer. Most people ordering organic birds assume they are not genetically bred for weight gain. Organic and non-organic turkeys are bred to be slaughter-ready at 18 weeks.  They are so obese that their legs cannot handle the weight of their bodies. In fact, many birds are completely lame by two months.

Some of the turkeys we saw were stuck in the straw, unable to get up, and struggling to make it to food and water while healthier birds pecked at them. Others, already dead, were being removed.

Our tour guide, the farm manager of 11 years, was kind and open with us. He told us he was proud of the facility and happy to show us around. In the slaughter building we were introduced to a worker he nicknamed “the killer.” The manager chuckled and said they actually, “refer to him as the ‘harvester.’” I asked the young harvester if his job was difficult. Thoughtfully he replied, “It was hard at first, but it gets easier.”

They then showed us the procedure. The birds are “gently” pushed into wall mounted funnels head first and upside down. With their heads hanging below an opening at the base of the funnel, the “harvester” slices the major arteries on the bird’s neck. A bucket catches the blood below. In the words of the harvester, “I slice with a clean hundred dollar surgical knife. I am careful not to cut the airway. We need them alive, breathing and bleeding to drain all the blood out or it gets too messy in the next step. It is very fast. It only takes two minutes. They are breathing the whole time and their legs are kicking.”

I stood there struck by his words, “only two minutes.” I recently led a workshop where I wanted people to guess how long a minute is. Everyone closed their eyes. I told the participants to open their eyes and raise their hands when they thought a minute was up. I timed them. Almost everyone had their eyes open and hands raised in about 30 seconds. A minute is a long time. Two minutes of hanging upside down with your major arteries sliced open and bleeding is a really long time.

After touring the entire facility, from pasture to the freezer filled with hundreds of tidy packaged birds, we walked slowly back to my car feeling distressed by our experience. I have met some “used-to-be vegetarians” who have turned to a meat diet again because of the availability of animal products labeled “humane.” Everyone who chooses to eat animal products labeled “humane”, “cage-free”, “organic” or “free-range” should visit the facility providing their meat, dairy or eggs. Anyone wanting to live compassionately would not support these industries. They would hopefully realize that these labels give people permission to turn their backs on the violent reality of eating these foods.  The creation of all animal products involves exploitation for profit including confinement, social deprivation, mutilation, reproductive manipulation and pre-mature death.

Make this Thanksgiving a Thanksliving by modifying tradition to include non-violence toward all beings and caring for the earth and your own health.

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Rae Sikora is one of my absolute favorite people on the planet and a true inspiration. She is also a co-founder of Plant Peace Daily, Vegfund and the Institute for Humane Education. I was fortunate enough to meet her this past July at Summerfest.

Go vegan.