Some People are Born Sexy. Those People Are Called Brian Patton



Brian Patton is a Renaissance man. A husband, a father, a celebrated author, radio host, and a vegan caterer. But more than any of these distinguished designations, Brian Patton is sexy.

“The Sexy Vegan” soared to fame through a series of vegan YouTube videos and then soared even higher with his two cookbooks and continued to soar as the caterer to the stars. How much higher can this man soar is limited only by his ability to breathe thin outer-space air. One thing I do know without question, Brian Patton is sexy.

And I know sexy, because I am meaty.

I was very excited when he agreed to this sexy interview.

MV: Do ukulele players get groupies?

SV: Yes, but they’re unusually small.

MV: You are The Sexy Vegan. Does this title sometimes get you in trouble?

SV:  I’ve had many wedding Facebook marriage proposals. So far I haven’t accepted any of them … if I do, that’s when the trouble will begin, since I’m already kind of married.

MV: Were you born sexy?

SV: I’d like to say something nice and positive like, “Eric, we’re ALL born sexy,” but we’re not. I was. Most aren’t. Sorry. Life isn’t fair.

MV: You’ve published two cookbooks and shared hundreds of recipes. What is your signature dish?

SV: Hands down, the Lasagna Fauxlognese from my first book. Layered with cashew ricotta, tofu sausage crumble, vegan mozzarella, and my Tomato Killer sauce, it’s the dish that has the carnivores scraping the edges of the casserole every time.

MV: You’re the Executive Chef at Vegin’ Out in LA. Have you prepared food for any celebrities we might have heard of?

SV: Hmm…I don’t think I can answer that question. Alicia Silverstone and Andy Dick have given us quotes to put on our website, so I guess mentioning them is cool. There are about 10 other celeb clients that I can think of just off the top of my head, but for one time in my life, I think I’m going to be professional here, and not spill the beans. How boring, I know.

MV: Who are your vegan mentors or other vegans you admire?

SV: I woudn’t say I have any mentors, but there are a bunch of peeps out there doing some awesome stuff with food that are truly inspiring..and by “inspiring” I mean “making me feel bad about myself that I’m not better than I am.” You want to check out Hiram Camillo at @hiramcamillo, Ted Lai at @wokwildside, and the Sarno brothers at @wickedhealthy on instagram for some jaw-dropping food magic. Also @chefkajsa (Kajsa Alger), chef and co-owner (with Susan Feniger) of what used to be Street  and is now Mudhen Tavern. It’s not a vegan establishment, but they put great care into developing their vegan dishes, and she posts mostly (if-not all) vegan stuff. Her food is extraordinary.

MV: What is your favorite kitchen appliance? Bedroom appliance?

SV: Even though I own a Vitamix, which I love, AND an Omega Juicer, which I also love, I’d have to say that my little $30 Kitchenaid mini-chopper is my workhorse, and is probably my favorite kitchen appliance. I’m only cooking for 2 1/4 people, so it’s all I need on a regular basis. Oh and I’m also a fan of my refrigerator, because it keeps my beer cold and makes ice for my cocktails. Favorite bedroom appliance? Well, this is kind of personal, but what the Hell: The Wife and I have been really into the Levana Baby Monitor. Because there’s nothing like watching live video of your sleeping child to get things steamy in the sack. I think I read about that in Cosmo.

MV: If we opened your refrigerator right now, what would we find?

SV: Let me go look… Ok…I’ve got kale, carrots, cucumbers, lettuce, 1/2 block of tofu, beets, fava beans, baby spinach, cauliflower, Trader Joe’s soy creamer, half a lemon, a bell pepper, a thing of jicama, a piece of ginger, fresh parsley, chervil, thyme and rosemary, red curry paste, half an avocado, some veggie purees I made for the kid, peaches, nectarines, apricots, a lemongrass stalk, 1/4 jar of vegenaise, 1/2 of a small seedless watermelon, 1/2 a red onion, a jar of green olives, unsweetened almond milk, sesame oil, sesame seeds, hoisin sauce, sunflower seed butter that I stole from my wife’s friend (long story), peanut butter, an array of mustards, ketchup, tomato paste, veggie bullion cubes, BBQ sauce, leftover Thai food, a quart of minestrone that I took home from work last night, a couple bottles of breast milk, a bottle of Lagunitas IPA, a bottle of Corona Light, three St. Pauli Girl non-alcoholic beers, vegan Worcestershire sauce, vegan cream cheese, vegan sour cream, some sort of fig butter, a tub of Earth Balance vegan margarine, and about 6 quarts of lemonade that I made from the shitload of lemons that fell into my yard from the neighbor’s tree since it was so windy last week. Did you want the freezer too? It’s mostly breast milk and homemade tempeh bacon…not quite as diverse.

MV: Do you sometimes think you are too sexy for your shirt and where do you shop for your ingredients?

SV: Well, I’m definitely too sexy for my hat, but I’d say that I’m just sexy enough for my shirt, so it stays on, protecting the world from my underwhelming physique. I’m very fortunate to live about 5 minutes away from the Calabasas farmers’ market, so I’m there every Saturday getting my produce. I get my Indian ingredients like curry powders, chutneys, jackfruit, etc. from Samosa House West, near Culver City, and I get my specialty vegan items from Follow Your Heart. Yes, the same Follow Your Heart that makes Vegenaise and Gourmet Cheese Shreds was originally a little health food store and cafe, and they’re right down the street from me. Also, my other odds and ends I get at Trader Joe’s, and sometimes Whole Foods.

MV: If I were coming over for lunch tomorrow, what would you make me?

SV: Since we’ve just covered the contents of my fridge, this will be easy. To me, lunch is a sandwich for sure. I’ve been delving into homemade breads lately, so your sandwich would be on some freshly baked whole wheat bread. I’d toast it, and slather it with that Vegenaise I’ve got in fridge. I’d fry up some of that tempeh bacon from the freezer, slap it on there, hot off the griddle, and top it with lettuce, avocado and tomato. “But, Brian, you didn’t say you had any tomato in the fridge …” that’s right, because you shouldn’t store tomatoes in the fridge, that kills their flavor and alters their texture. Mine live on the countertop, smart ass. Next to your sandwich, I’d serve up some grilled fava bean pods. It’s a recipe I’m working on for the blog. To finish it off, I’d pour you a tall refreshing glass of breast milk … I, I mean lemonade!

Thank you, you Sexy Vegan. For being sexy but mostly for listing every single, and I mean …every … single … item in your refrigerator — with the noted exception of tomatoes.

And, if you’re sexy enough, find him on Facebook and Twitter.

Go sexy and go vegan.


7 thoughts on “Some People are Born Sexy. Those People Are Called Brian Patton

  1. Cowgirls & Collard Greens

    Hilarious, fun, exciting, meaty, vegan-y and sexy! Thanks for asking the pertinent questions Meaty Vegan. I have been meaning to ask Brain for a list of every single item he keeps in his refrigerator, now I don’t have to. Yeehaw!


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