You see, milk comes from a cow. But not any ordinary cow. This cow has to be lactating. And, as we all know, in order to be lactating, you have to have recently given birth.
Now kids, ask your parents if you’re allowed to read this next part.
In order to have given birth, this cow has to be pregnant. And, as we all know, the easiest way to impregnate a cow is to insert your arm far into the cow’s rectum in order to position the uterus, and then force an instrument into the cow’s vagina to artificially inseminate her. The restraining apparatus used is commonly called a “rape rack” and it’s not a very pleasant image. Drink up!
Once pregnant, the cow waits about the same amount of time as a female human to give birth but the big difference is that once the cow gives birth, her newborn calf is forcibly taken from her (this way you’re sure to get the milk you want for your bowl of Frosted Flakes). They’re great!
If the newborn is female, she will likely be raised to live the same life as her mother. If the newborn is male, well, that lucky little feller will be kept lucid in a small plastic box and killed within the first few months of his life for veal. Cheeses, that doesn’t sound too nice … does it?
Now that she’s rid of her pesky calf, this old girl is ready for a’milking! A farmer firmly grabs hold of the cow’s teats and rolls down his fingers and pulls on each nipple until milk begins to squirt out and fill his bucket. Or, in most cases, the cow is instead hooked up to a painful milking apparatus that automatically milks the cow for hours, leaving her bloodied and sore to the point where infection causes pus that is mixed with the milk and becomes a part of that decadent bowl of ice cream you’re about to enjoy.
Now, once the cow stops producing milk, the cycle is started over again until the cow reaches a point where she can no longer get pregnant and then she’s killed. How’s that for a milk shake? And, so …
That’s where milk comes from! Enjoy!