I am Forming a Vegan Cult … Come, Drink the Kale-Aid



I am going to start a vegan cult.

Maybe “cult,” is too strong a word but let’s use it as a starting point. By definition, a cult is a religious group or organization with “deviant and novel beliefs and practices.” What could be more deviant than going against tens of thousands of years of human evolution to not consume meat, dairy, eggs, or honey?

In order for this cult to be successful, it will also need an opposing majority who stand against our beliefs. Enter the 97% of the U.S. population who still subscribe to the Standard American Diet (SAD). These meat eating, milk drinking, egg cracking people will think we are the strange ones for not following this “norm.”

This cult won’t follow the norm.

And novel? What could be more novel than stripping your wardrobe, and life, of all animal-derived products and clothing? Don’t we know all those animal hides will just go to waste? And how will we know if that shampoo is safe to use if it hasn’t been tested on a rabbit?

The very practice of being vegan, and being part of an ever-expanding and growing group of like-minded individuals is cult-like and, as our numbers grow, so does our power.

How odd are we to practice ahimsa? Non-violence toward all living beings. We are the strange ones, after all, thinking animals should be treated kindly and not raped or tortured until killed. And that grown adults shouldn’t consume the milk of another species. Or eat the period of a chicken. We are the weirdos.

We are the odd ones.

How odd is it that the members of this cult have lower instances of cancer and heart disease? There must be something we’re doing to our bodies that is unnatural.

Unfortunately, the word “cult” seems to be used primarily for organizations and groups who have evil plans. The Top Ten list of cults includes the Manson Family and the Branch Dividians. Not very good company.

Isn’t it time for a friendly cult to be formed? Can vegans band together, choose a leader (me), and start an international association that promotes our beliefs and encourages others to follow? Veganism for all.

Join my cult. Drink the Kale-Aid, and  …

Go vegan.

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