Eating More Meat May Lead to Longer Life

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[EDMOND, OK] Earlier this week, researchers at the Midwestern Institute for Meat Consumption, in Edmond, Oklahoma, released new data that suggests increased meat consumption may actually add years to your life. In a blind study, participants were offered beef, chicken, and pork in a Brazilian barbecue-style setting for one week and the results were later published.

“Contrary to what vegetarians and dietary vegans want you to believe,” remarked Dr. Frederick Lundquist, who headed the study. “Increased meat consumption seems to add years to human life. It’s our firm belief that every American, and some Swedes, should embrace this information and go whole hog with eating meat and meat-like substances.”

The study suggested that human life extension from consuming more meat (CMM) can be achieved in the following ways:

  • Humans may actually be getting too much blood to their heart and organs, resulting in undue stress on these body parts with what researchers are calling “fast blood.” By consuming meat, the arteries actually slow blood flow to a reasonable speed. Dr. Lundquist added, “think of it as a highway and meat acts as the police radar, making sure the blood flows at a reasonable speed.”
  • Meat consumption, and the continued support of the meat industry means there are less animals on the planet stealing precious oxygen required by humans. By eliminating animals, the planet can sustain more human life through more available oxygen.
  • Humans may actually live longer with the belief they climbed to the top of the food chain all on their own. Denying humans this bravado is a blow to human ego (HE) and could result in depression that may result in early death.
  • Consuming meat also leads to erectile dysfunction thereby assisting in controlling world population, leaving more room to roam and more food to consume, and more oxygen to breath, for the humans currently residing on the planet.
  • Eating meat and the continued support of the meat industry fuels the U.S. economy and provides jobs that provide retirement plans and nobody wants to die before retirement.
  • Eating more meat results in obesity and overweight humans are less likely to be swept away by wind storms or sucked up into air conditioning ducts or jet engines – oftentimes resulting in death.

This study was sponsored by Tyson and National Beef and copies are available by calling 786-837-9897. Calls to theΒ Midwestern Institute for Meat Consumption and Dr. Lundquist in regard to this study were left unanswered.

Go vegan.

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