New Farm Concept: Choose Your Very Own Pig (Slaughtering Instructions Included)!

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[ANADARKO, OK] The Happy Pig Petting Zoo and Farm in Anadarko, Oklahoma announced this week a new concept in “farm to fork.” By allowing children visiting the farm to choose a piglet to take home, and providing “fattening” and slaughtering instructions, families in Caddo County are “bringing home the bacon.”

“This is the newest trend in sustainable farming,” said Trevor O’Hara, Director of the Happy Pig Petting Zoo and Farm. “Kids love playing with their food and this is just taking that concept one step further. Their little faces light up when they realize that the same pig they just named will become pork chops later that night.”

The zoo is arranged in sections labeled for each cut of pig and visitors are provided a colorful map to help navigate the 340-acre farm. Once the family finds their way into a pen, they can spend the day getting to know the exact pig they will be taking home to slaughter. There is also a concession stand that sells spare ribs, bacon cheeseburgers, and the signature menu item, The John Hamm sandwich.

“Freshness guaranteed!” said one zoo attendee, as he helped his 7-year-old lift a 9-month-old piglet into the backseat of their mini-van. “It don’t get no fresher. We’ll be eating this little feller tonight and again tomorrow morning. I can smell the bacon already.”

Every pig sold comes complete with easy-to-follow, full-color, slaughtering instructions.

Oklahoma State officials denied an interview but did write “Oklahoma state laws allow for livestock to be sold when the intended use of the animal is consumption. As if there is any other reason for pigs to exist. Knowwhaddamean?”

Go vegan.

8 thoughts on “New Farm Concept: Choose Your Very Own Pig (Slaughtering Instructions Included)!

  1. Oh that was mean MeatyVegan, I was about to get sick, or cry, or do both at the thought of it! I’m glad you are joking, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if it was real. Those pigs are so cute, I have no idea how I ever ate bacon!

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  2. Stephanie Ortolano

    Glad to have the confirmation that this was indeed satire. Not so far from the home of “happy meat” that is all around us here in the Fingerlakes, though… Children do need to be indoctrinated into the whole eating-animals-is-okay thing, though, because I don’t think they would naturally do this on their own. As the (vegan) mother of 3, I’m so glad that I don’t have to convince them that eating a dead animal is normal or that we support the slavery of other sentient creatures. (Of course, having to explain why people who they otherwise love and admire do the same is another issue…)

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