Now Recruiting New Vegans – 30% Discount on Kale! Act Now!

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Since starting this blog, on more than one occasion people I know and/or respect have criticized my approach. My voice is too strong. My messaging is angry. My language is too harsh. The cartoon of the duck with his head cut off was too much. These very same individuals go on to reiterate that “if you want to recruit new vegans, you’re going about it the wrong way.”

Recruit new vegans? What? That thought never crossed my mind. It actually never has.

Honestly, I could care less about the vegetarians who are too terrified to give up cheese omelettes. Or, the omnivore who is staring down the barrel of heart disease, counting the days until their chest is cracked open … just like their Dad did. Or the “cheating vegan” who thinks I am all high and mighty because I don’t actually pop a cube of cheese in my mouth now and again or grab that one slice of pizza a month. Or, that I own an iPhone.

Go for it. Have fun! Eat whatever you want! Seriously.

I will, however pause for a moment to say if you are directly responsible for cruelty to animals, I will hunt you down.

Back to my point.

I’m not here to recruit anyone. To each their own and I know, personally, that life’s too short not to live it up. At one point in the past few years I was known to go back to an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet and have six helpings of sausage biscuits and gravy. Believe it or not, I could rationalize that by saying it was my source of protein and I could actually lose weight the more I ate (ala Atkins). Three pieces of gas station pizza for lunch? Yes, please. I ate 68 chicken wings in one sitting.

I’m not a hypocrite. I’ve been there. I’m not judgemental (actually, I am and that’s tough shit). I’m not here to preach to the choir or to the sinners. I am only here to entertain.

I want this blog to make people laugh out loud (or, as I type out on my iPhone, LOL). I want people to share and comment (please comment) on my posts. Maybe learn a thing or two but mostly, just read a short anecdote about being vegan from, hopefully, a new perspective. I want that book deal. A movie deal.  A TV sitcom. I want radio and TV hosts to call me to appear as a guest on their show to talk about my vegan journey. I’m a dyed-in-the-cotton narcissist.

However, if at any point in time I open my email and there is a message from that one person. That tiny voice, that very small shirker named JoJo from “Horton Hears a Who,” who, because of my blog, decided to stop eating meat, dairy, and eggs and to live a more compassionate life … I will know my work here is done.

Go vegan.

13 thoughts on “Now Recruiting New Vegans – 30% Discount on Kale! Act Now!”

  1. You’re not here to recruit, yet you sign off with ‘Go Vegan’.

    I sometimes find it a shame that when people ‘sign up’ for a vegan lifestyle, there is that invisible check box that means some vegans feel it necessary to focus attention on what veganism isn’t, rather than what it is. Of course, this is a minority; most people get on with their lives. Most people realise a life-style does not necessarily equip you with better ethics. I do have an issue with the ethical side of things. It goes beyond smart phones and sugar production, and becomes about everything. Where is the line to be drawn? Do I tell the vegan that the pint of Guinness they are drinking contains some sort of fish enzyme? Do I point out that driving a car, by proxy, endorses further need to exploit the earth of natural sources? The chopsticks you use; have they been made from bamboo that is from a managed bamboo supply? Did you seal that envelope by licking the horse gum on it? Do I point out that a shiny apple is thus so because it is covered in shellac? And what about the ikea coffee table you purchased so cheaply? All that compressed wood-chipping… I wonder how aware the casual vegan is to chipboard furniture construction…
    I don’t say anything. Life is one long educational process, and it is everyone’s responsibility to seek education, and to learn about the things around them. Life is far too short to be angry all the time about every minute detail of our lifestyles. When I cash in my final chips, I want to do so with a smile on my face, and not cry every time I pass a bit of organically processed piece of cheddar through my lips. We all at some level hold strong ethical beliefs. Just because some folk eat meat, it does not necessarily make them a less ethical person. Not everyone in Greenpeace is a veggie/vegan. Not every veggie/vegan is a nice person. I think I have drifted entirely off topic, and an now going to stop typing. By the way, the keyboard I’m using is no doubt made by a company who endorses strong ethical believes, and in no way exploits natural resources for the plastics, or exploits its work force, etc etc.

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    • Michael,

      Again. Cheers! Couldn’t have said it better myself (and yes, I know signing off with “Go Vegan” is hardly a way to end a blog post where I am confessing to not encouraging people to go vegan).

      I have long avoided pointing out these non-vegan and non-ethical practices up until two weeks ago when a visiting friend was insistent that the fact that she was eating grass fed or free range “any animal” and that animal was killed “humanely” … that the killings were somehow justified. They never are.

      Never.

      So, if you sink your teeth into the side of a living pig or douse your rare steak in Hollandaise sauce OR simply plop a tiny bit of cream into your coffee … you are still supporting (directly) the inhumane treatment and murder of animals. With that said, enjoy your whatever you want and I will enjoy mine. And if you can live with the fact that there is no such thing as free range and humane treatment of animals that end up getting their heads cut off or shot in the skull with a nail gun … then, Bon Appetit!

      (this comment is not directed at you since I know you’re vegetarian).

      ~ E

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  3. Robin Manno

    love your blog- though I am Vegan I am still learning. As pointed out by the person before me I had no idea about the envelopes. I am trying to be a good Vegan but I never intentionally put anything in my mouth, cheese or cream, that I feel I deserve. Anyone who feels these animals were killed humanly can watch videos on youtube and see how a “humanly” killed animals dies, its not pretty. Thank you for your blogs and please continue to educate us.

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    • Robin,

      Thank you for stopping by. Here, have a soy vanilla latte and let’s talk “vegan.”

      I, too, am new to this lifestyle but it all suddenly clicked for me. How misled we ALL are and how we CAN make a difference. Set aside the benefits to your health … the global positive repercussions of veganism are undeniable.

      Eric

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  4. Perri

    It is definitely easy to go overboard like Michael stated. At the same time, I also think that many people tend to take themselves and others way too seriously and get overly defensive when someone actually makes them think about some of their poor choices. I try my best to educate myself about what’s important to me and part of that is reading your blog 🙂 And Eric, you will be happy to know that I did a massive spring cleaning project of my closet (yes, I realize it’s August) and I got rid of some leather/suede items I had even though they still fit because I couldn’t imagine that I’d ever wear them again. I have yet to give away all of my nice, expensive leather purses, but I know I’ll never use them again either – not sure why I feel like I still need to keep them…must be a girl thing!

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  6. You always make me ‘LOL’ and just tonight whilst visiting some close omnivore friends, I read out your Breaking News: vegans dying from lack of protein post. They all laughed hysterically (hypocritically of course as they ate their chicken mayo pasta!) BUT it ended in a long conversation about the reality beyond the laughs of vegan zombies. They acknowledged the utter unnaturalness of their milk drinking and admitted they eat meat because selfishly (apparently) it tasted good, not because it’s good for them nor what nature intended. I think that’s a good start, after all with any addiction the first stage is admitting the problem right?! I don’t try to recruit vegans but simply tell the facts and see if they can still sleep at night, the rest is up to them.

    Anyway, your writing is fab and you make my daily reads and social conversations better!

    Poppy 😀

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