[TONOPAH, NEVADA] In top secret documents released this week, the U.S. Government revealed plans to “add meat and meat protein to vegetables and vegetable fiber to meat,” to help slow what they are referring to as the “veganizing of America.”
The number of vegans in the United States has doubled over the past year and the number of vegetarians in China is now greater than the number of vegetarians in the United States. A trend that causes concern for the meat and dairy industries at home and abroad.
The document went on to outline that in order to save this struggling meat industry, scientists have discovered a way to genetically “bridge the gap” in sequencing to grow plants that contain meat and raise farm animals that can sprout vegetables; thereby making all foods one on the food pyramid.
With such high profile, distinguished, names such as Bill Gates, Bill Clinton and Steve-O supporting plant-based diets, the government spearheaded this program in order to “save the millions of farm animals” that they were originally planning on slaughtering.
Foods such as “brocowli,” “legplant” and “porn,” which is a combination of pig and corn, are being developed and are said to contain the RDA of both animal and meat proteins as well as “that familiar juiciness of meat with all the fiber and crunchiness of a vegetable.”
Recent advances in the synthetic meat industry were revealed this week in the Netherlands, with the introduction of a stem cell-based meat substitute. This new science goes one step further by harvesting plants that actually grow animal flesh and farm animals that can poop onions.
Small trees with blooms of chicken breasts, rump roasts, and bacon are being tested in government-funded labs in Nevada. Aerial images of the greenhouses show saplings that are sprouting buffalo chicken wings alongside cactus-like plants that excrete bleu cheese dressing; indications of other possible advancements in the dairy industry.
“Americans will no longer have to divide their plate into separate sections for protein, vegetables and starch,” an authority close to the source commented, “now it’s just one big circle.”
This program will also help end the ongoing arguments between vegans and omnivores about diet and lifestyle choices, as everyone will be eating the same thing.
These megetables will be released in time for 2013 Labor Day weekend cookouts across the country — get your Weber ready! For more information, visit http://www.MeatyVegan.com.