Are you Vegan? A simple test.

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Since starting this blog just two short weeks ago I have already acquired quite a following. Between other WordPress bloggers, vegans on Twitter, and the spirited reception I’ve received on my Facebook posts … I’m very happy to now be an official voice for the vegan community.

With that said, I feel now is the best time to post my checklist to see if you, in fact, are vegan. This checklist does not apply to aspiring vegans or vegetarians who like to think they are vegan. This checklist isn’t for the Mark Bittman VB6 audience (since they could only view it before 6:00 pm anyway) and this checklist isn’t for those who call themselves 75% (insert your own percentage here) vegan. This checklist is for those of you who feel you are fully committed to being vegan. All the time. 24/7. 365.

The official “are you vegan?” checklist:

  1. Do you consume animal meat, dairy, or eggs?

If you answered “yes” to this question then you are not vegan.

Set aside any need to rid yourself of leather, wool, or silk garments (although that’s a bonus). Forget about the honey debate and insects that may not have been fully washed off your kale leaves that may get stuck between your teeth. If the answer to this one question is “yes” … then you’re not vegan. Period.

Anyone who is vegan cannot fathom consuming meat, dairy, or eggs (I place fish in the meat category so you also can’t have that occasional sushi roll). True vegans would never, could never, put these items in their mouths. The idea of doing so is so vile. Therefore, if you have consumed any of these things within the past few days … you’re not vegan.

However, at this exact moment you can become vegan. That’s right. For a limited time, you too can explore the exciting world of veganism for yourself. Start now! Enjoy all the health benefits of a plant-based diet! Have smoother skin and stronger nails. Lower your cholesterol, blood pressure, avoid disease, and look great doing it (you may need to buy a new vegan belt within the first few months since you’re bound to lose a few inches in your waist).

Don’t do anything on the checklist above and you’re well on your way to being vegan. Welcome aboard.

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